The Ending of an Era

So, I'm coming to the end of my time here in Inverness. Tonight was my last Revolution. Lindsay, Robin and I were to stand up and say our goodbyes. I honestly didn't know what to say. I knew it had to tie in to God stuff, but, I honestly didn't know what to say other than, "I love you guys so much. I'm so grateful to God to be here. He is faithful. He was true to me. Keep running after him." I was fighting tears. Am suprised they didn't over-run me. But, you cannot imagine my suprise when I heard weeping coming from a corner. Dear Yogi was crying his heart out. His heart out. I can't believe I've had that much of an effect on a life. I simply cannot believe one would weep over me.

I love my kids here, so very very much. I cannot believe I'm leaving. Now that I'm finally apart of a community, I must leave. And when I'm finally picking up on Highland culture, I'm gone. Rhiannan and Yogi cried. They cried. I've made a difference. I'll take it.

I've learned so much about myself this past year. So much about God. So much about what it means to live in community. So much about what ministry is about. So much about what I'm supposed to do. And so much about what I'm not called to do.

Here's the thing. I love learning. I absolutely love it. I love delving into a book that recounts a beautifully written story of providence and redemption. I love learning more about theology. I love learning the different philosophies behind ministry. In truth, I love learning and discussing things with those who love what I do. Maybe I am meant to be a teacher. But I refuse to be an ordinary one. I'd be a private tutor or something like that...

There's more. Oh so much more. I never quite got how much work there is to be done. And there's a lot. And it's not as black and white at all. It's a flippin gray mess. But maybe that's it. We're here to help in the sorting of the gray into black and white.

Then there's the whole thinking and imagining what could be. What might be. Being satisfied with almost and just quite. It never quite works out, does it? I don't think I could ever be content with almost or just quite. Wishing and hoping they turn into the person you could possibly see them being. I'm glad it didn't work out. It wouldn't've been a good thing. I always serve myself short. I really ought to work on that. And focus on what is and what will be. Who I truly am and what my calling is. Get through all this muck to the real substance. Shred out the foolishness and busyness and get down to the nitty gritty of what's important. What's in store for me? I really don't know. But I am so excited. I think it's a story far beyond anythng I could've ever imagined!

By the way, I got rocked last night. Pete and Christine took me to the Falls of Shin and to have dinner with their friends. Halfway through our meal, the man starts praying and prophesying over me. At the end of the visit, he once more prayed for me. All the things that I've thought through in my mind--little buzz phrases--kept popping out of his mouth. I've never had an experience quite like it. He reconfirmed all the things I've been taught and told and old prophecies laid over me. The right words came from his mouth. I knew God was speaking to him about me. I knew it. It was an experience I will never forget, and by far the most real of any time I've been prophecied over. I'm so excited about this little gift from God to myself. And I'm not going to continue to talk over and over about it to people. Because I know what my own reaction would be. No words will ever be able to convey what happened in that home. Nor shall I try to convince anyone. It will be a time I treasure for myself, knowing that I am not alone and that I have a great calling and destiny on my life. It was the most real thing I've experienced in a very long time. I feel so in tune with God, so in tune with my purpose. Praise God for that wave of refreshment! It was literally just what I needed. It shall be my own experience. One that I shall treasure to myself. I shall not shout it aboout from the roof-tops, or try and convince people of the realness of the experience. I shall keep it as my own gift from my Lord. And I pray that it would come through... and soon.